The unhappy hooker

This has almost nothing to do elderly pornographic novels, and indeed the only similarity was the title, and you're safely past that now. Instead it has to do with the poor bloke who hooks carcases up on his rather makeshift system from gutting and then gets a totally unjustified swat alongside the head.

See it goes like this: my system for gutting and cleaning wallaby has evolved piecemeal without much thought and with what we had on hand just then. So there is no rail or nice solid hanging point. Instead there there is some sharkmesh strung between two buildings - the gap is about 2 meters. On this line there hangs an S shaped hook, which I really cannot remember who or where I got from. Onto that I have hung a gambrel of sorts - a W shaped bit of very sturdy steel. I don't think it was intended to be a gambrel, I found it with some scrap iron. It works, but could be wider. Because shark mesh stretches, the entire rig is about 6' 6" high -it sags to a nice working height, to drop the guts and skin the animal.

It works... but the downside is hooking the carcase up - means lifting a wallaby - can weigh 30+kg - straight up and out to hook - on a hook that moves, that you don't have a spare hand for steadying. And it's bloody and it's not nice and handy like a set of weights to lift. Just straight awkward. Peter brought me back a proper gambrel and pulleys from the States, and I will set up a proper place for it as soon as I get one of those 'tuits' (I've caught square tuits, and triangular ones and even the odd hexagon, but the round ones are incredibly rare. Endangered even. I better leave them alone to breed) But I tried the new gambrel from the rig - it was MUCH wider than my old one and the central upside down V of the W shape very shallow. Still, it was working fine, until I got to pulling the skin off the tail. Now this is rather like skinning a sausage... and is something of an art which I am not too good at. You slit it all the way down (gut-hook works perfectly) and then it needs a sharp sudden jerk and a steady pull and off it comes. Jerk too hard, and the tail comes off with half the backstrap, but the skin does not. Jerk too little and nothing happens. Stop after you have given it the right start and you're a jerk, because you have to do it all again. And so I hunched down and gave the skin a tremendous tug... only to have another possibility develop rather too rapidly - obviously the shallower W and the angle combined to allow the Gambrel and wallaby to depart from the hook and make me sit down most ungenteely with a wallaby carcase on my lap. Trust me this is not done in the best circles. Actually I don't think it is even done in the worst squares. And to add injury to insult the hook - nice heavy steel got sling-shotted up toward the stratosphere by the shark-mesh, whacked the inside of the shed roof, ricocheted off that to carom off the side of my head for parts unknown.

I delicately expressed my displeasure, put the wallaby on the table, pulled the skin off the tail...

And started hunting the for the hook so I could do the next one.

I had heard it hit the concrete (no, I was not referring to my head. That's rock). But there was a lot of dark, junk and a bin full of wallaby entrails out there. Ten minutes later, still expressing my displeasure I had to give up and use bailing string. To think I used to say the hook was a PITA.

Anyway. I found it the morning, not, to my relief in my skull, or worse, the gut bucket, but about six yards away.