Okay, roll up, roll up! I'm selling tickets to one of the greast shows of all time -- ergo my mate Bill and the Garfish. Yes, you do have to wade out in the dark into the cold sea until it reaches your frilly bits, but it's worth it, really (and of course worth my extortionate charges. Sorry, these are traditional) We have a supporting act of Arthur and Jane and the incredible wader-striptease, and our wonderful Polish chorus-singer. You'll love it, trust me.
The first part involves Bill and the landing-net dance, in which the garfish swims through the meshes with grace and charm, and Bill tries to catch the same fish (same performance) three times, with lots of lovely piroettes and an arabesque with an eloquent monologue fitting for the House of Lords. Then we have the part where an enraged Bill swats the water so hard with his net that he stuns the garfish, which he then catches. Then we have the part where our lead performer -- well trained by yours truly at skinny-fish spearing -- gives up the net in dispair and resorts to trying to spear gars - which are long, thin and very fast. This is very acrobatic, and surprisingly successful, and leads us to a beautiful, poignant finale, with Bill with two garfish and his underwater light in one hand, and rather decent gar trapped between the tines of his spear and the mud, and him standing on the fish so it won't get away, all to the melodious baritone solo-piece 'Maria, come help me!' (and in the background the chorus sings 'Oh poor little fish, So beautiful. Ooh quick quick there's a big one! Oh poor little fish...'
Priceless entertainment! And all yours for mere windy autumn night off Badger corner.
Cheap at twice the price.