I thought I'd never told you about the fine art of splat.
Abalone is $300 a kg I believe. For us, well, it's one of our staples. Sea-mutton, they call it here. Now if you're lucky and time the tide right and know where to go, you find greenlips shallow enough not to dive. If you're quick and lucky, you can have an ab knife under them before you can say Knockmealgarten and Ballykinderry Fair, and it's quite easy. Pop and they're in the bag. It helps if you have a hookah or aqualungs, of course.
Otherwise you end up working pretty hard... but diving down and wrestling with the beasts at 5-10 metres is the easy part, as far as I am concerned. The hard bit is when - After several hours in cold water swimming about energetically, and just bursting with zoomy energy as a result - I get home, fresh-water wash the gear, hang it up and then... strip down to the budgie-smugglers (AKA speedo) -- horrible sight, trust me, and about to get worse - and position myself on a far corner of the garden, with a board - a good jarrah plank - I shattered the woosy plastic I used, a knife, a steak mallet, and a bag of abalone. First I shuck them, and then pin the very tough muscle to the board with the knife (otherwise a lot of work goes flying into the bushes), and the splat begins. Beat it tender. Only... the steak hammer tends to take off little fragments that go splat-airbourne and liberally coat the surrounding 40 km exclusion zone, bushes, grass, passing birds, and principally the little hairy feller in the budgie smugglers with the mallet, with teeny sticky gooey bits of abalone. The mallet handle become slimy and life and limb are in danger of tenderised (that's why I use the knife, these days. Tenderised my hand.) The abalone are then transported to the kitchen window and the long task of de-splatting begins with a nice cold wash down of the hairy little bloke and his utensils with the garden hose. Then we proceed (shivering artisically, to let the universe know how I have suffered) to the shower and scrub the gooey gobbets off. I'm hairy. It sticks.
I mean SCRUB.
All for a mere $300 a Kg morsel.
Cheap at twice the price I tell you ;-)